


Lost in his Mind

by Abster001



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Kinda, M/M, Self Harm, This took WAY too long to write :/
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 15:53:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13438146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abster001/pseuds/Abster001
Summary: His left hand was placed on his right arm, nailing, digging into the prosthetic that was there. Under Shiro’s nails Lance noticed blood and he could see scratch marks on his arm where the black Paladin had obviously tried to claw away at it. (…) Then he let out a whisper. Lance furrowed his brows at Shiro and let out a soft “What was that?”“It needs to go”





	Lost in his Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [autumnlibrarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnlibrarian/gifts).



> ANGSTY SHANCE FOR A COLLABERATION!
> 
> took nearly a year to do XD
> 
> But yeah... this is dark, so you've been warned
> 
> https://autumnlibrarian.tumblr.com/post/159123199517/his-left-hand-was-placed-on-his-right-arm  
> picture to go with it

It was after a mission when it started. They’d freed another planet from the clutches of the Galra and the team was celebrating. Except for one missing paladin. Shiro.

 

Lance had noticed his absence from the celebrations and was beginning to worry; Shiro had disappeared during the mission for a while, before reappearing in time to form Voltron. But, the minute they’d gotten back to the castle, the oldest paladin had walked off somewhere. And now, Lance was worried.

 

Excusing himself from the conversation he’d gotten dragging into – and wasn’t really listening to in all honesty – He started to head towards the rooms, in hope to find their leader. After walking through the corridors, passing the training room to find it empty and the kitchen, Lance had no luck in finding Shiro. The last place he’d really be would be his room.

 

Walking past the other’s rooms, he stopped in front of Shiro’s room. He lifted his hand to knock on the door, before freezing. He placed an ear on the door and listened. He could hear ragged breathing on the other side, along with muttering and other sound he couldn’t place, but it filled him with dread. Feeling his heart stutter in a horrible way, he knocked on the door. The noises stopped and he heard shuffling. Fabric moving before silence. The lack of noise made Lance’s ears ring and he clicked the panel at the side to open the door. He froze at what he saw.

 

Shiro was hunched over himself, obviously struggling to control his breathing. Lance carefully moved around his leader and stood in front of him. His left hand was placed on his right arm, nailing digging into the prosthetic that was there. Under Shiro’s nails, Lance noticed blood and he could see scratch marks on his arm where the black paladin had obviously tried to claw away at it. The shirt sleeve had been all but ripped apart. It made Lances heart jump and flit in his chest painfully, a hand clawing at it.

 

He lowered himself carefully and tried to look into Shiro’s eyes. They were wide and flitting around rapidly, not focusing on anything. He looked hurt, lost, broken. Lance had a feeling he was in the start of a panic attack and spoke carefully, “Shiro?” The older’s eyes locked with his as he focused on the blue paladin. His breathing hadn’t levelled out after looking at Lance. If anything, it sped up. Then, he let out a whisper. Lance furrowed his brows at Shiro and let out a soft “What was that?”

 

“It needs to go”

 

Lance’s eyes widened and he reached out for Shiro carefully. The older flinched away from him violently, staring and Lance with unfocused eyes. Distant.

 

Within seconds, Shiro had shot up and was out of the room. After a moment and confusion from Lance, he got up and raced after the black paladin. Calling out his name, the blue paladin ran around the castle to try and find him. He ran into the kitchen, where he saw Hunk and pidge, both standing there looking bewildered.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Shiro… he ran in and grabbed something from the draw” Hunk replied to Lance, looking increasingly concerned “he was too fast though and I couldn’t see what it was” Lance felt his blood run cold and he ran out the kitchen, ignoring Pidge’s and Hunks yells and inquires as to what was wrong. He continued to bolt around the castle before he eventually bumped into Keith, probably returning from the training room. He took one look at Lance’s panicked face and asked what had happened. Lance told him the short part, that they needed to find Shiro. Keith nodded silently and helped Lance with his hunt, calling out for the oldest paladin.

 

Pidge was the one who made the suggestion to check the black lion’s hanger. But in the end, it was all of them who could hear the faint sobbing and incoherent babbling. It was Lance who rounded the corner first, spotting the trembling mass of Shiro, bloodstains decoration the ground around him. He felt his heart stop before he was racing over.

 

He grabbed Shiro’s right hand, and got a clear look as to what he was doing.

 

There was a knife digging into his arm, right above his prosthetic limb. Blood was slowly dripping down his arm, being watered down by the tears rolling down his cheeks as he sobbed. He was mumbling the same thing over and over again. Lance leaned in to hear it better, feeling his heart break with every word.

 

“Shiro… please, calm down” Lance placed his hands on Shiro’s shoulders and tried to bring Shiro’s attention back to him, to calm him in someway. Their eyes met, and Shiro looked like he gained his sense back for a moment. Then keith grab him from behind.

 

His eyes blanked and he went into fight mode, shrugging Lances hands off and throwing Keith to the floor, him hitting it hard. The rest of the team went to grab him again, throwing themselves at him and trying to wrestle him towards the infirmary. It was unsuccessful for the most part; Shiro’s strength rivaled their own x2, especially when he felt cornered and went into fight or flight. However, they managed to get him still if for a moment, trying to figure out what to do, before Shiro froze up and went limp.

 

Glancing up, Lance spotted a syringe in the side of Shiro’s neck and Coran standing over them.

 

“Sorry about that Paladins, it was the only thing I could think of”

 

“How did you know…?” Pidge asked

 

“Well number five, me and the Princess saw you all wrestling over the camera’s. She’s waiting in the Infirmary and there’s a pod warming up”

 

All conscious Paladins nodded and it was a joint effort to carry Shiro to the Infirmary and push him into the pod. However, they soon got him in and the healing process had started.

 

The fight had worn most of the others out and they trudged off to sleep, though knowing Keith he went back to training. Coran and the Princess went to move the castle ship and sort out more business they had concerning Voltron. Lance was the only one that stayed, bewildered by what had happened and shaken up, wanting to know if his leader would be alright. He paced around for a while before sitting down next to the pod and leaning against it, fears whirling through his head.

 

* * *

 

A whirring woke him from his doze, and Lance looked up too see the pod opening up. He shot to his feet and situated himself in front of the pod. The door opened completely.

 

Shiro stumbled out of the pod, eyes still shut. Lance grabs him careful to insure he stays up. He swept his eyes over shiro, making sure he was completely healed. After confirming he was okay, Lance lifted his eyes to his face.

 

Shiro’s eyes were open like little slits, the gentle grey just a sliver against his lids. Lance smiled up at him, speaking softly;

 

“Hey there shiro. You feeling okay?”

 

Shiro nodded slightly, seemingly out of it. Lance spoke again, still with a soft tone “you want me to get you back to your room?” Shiro nodded again and slumped a little harder against Lance.

 

With slight difficulty, but not much, Lance manoeuvred the older Paladin to his room. He helped shiro lay down and, after making sure he was comfortable, made to leave.

 

Before he was stopped by a hand on his wrist.

 

Lance glanced down at shiro, seeing he looked mildly panicked as he tried to get his words out. Lance took pity on him and placed his knee on shiro's bed

 

“You want me to stay with you?” Shiro nodded almost desperately.

 

He pulled off his Paladin armour quickly after that and Lance carefully climbed over shiro and lay in the bed, pulling the blankets over himself. Shiro wrapped his arms around Lance tightly, almost afraid need leave. Lance grabbed his face gently, looking into shiro's eyes. Shiro closed the space between them.

 

They lay together for a while, before shiro began shaking. Lance continued holding his face, pressing their foreheads together as shiro cried.

 

If they were together, they'd be okay. They would get through this.

 

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> *Jazz hands* so I am still alive, I am still writing, but... yeah
> 
> enjoy it while you can, I'm probs gonna be gone for a while again... sorry
> 
> Kudos, Bookmark and comment for more~
> 
> Find me on my Tumblr:  
> https://ab5ter.tumblr.com/


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